HEALTH – Too Much Toxic Positivity Can be Bad for Mental Health
Jonathan Turner
A glass of water could be seen as half full or as half empty. If water is constantly added to a glass however, it will overflow and damage anything around it.
Toxic positivity is similar.
It’s often described as an unflinching optimism, the belief that positive thoughts should be continually projected to dispel any negativity.
While it can be useful to try and find the good in a difficult situation, this mindset can result in denial or avoidance of an important emotional state. Constantly expressing positivity to others is often done with the best of intentions but sometimes it can result in dismissal of their feelings and lead to isolation.
Negative emotions can be difficult to deal with. But working through them is important. Reflection upon experiences such as grief, doubt and failure can lead to understanding and personal growth.
Trying to find a silver lining might be helpful but attempting to shut out the negative entirely or push it down with forced positivity can be actively harmful. So, toxic positivity often results in shutting out genuine discussions of mental health issues.
For example, saying to someone with OCD “You are in control of your thoughts” or telling someone with depression to “just to cheer up” will diminish the feelings of those reaching out, invalidating their own experiences.
Social media especially can be complicit in promoting toxic positivity. Posts will often only present the best side of people, encouraging comparison with others and creating unrealistic expectations of constant positivity.
This year especially, discussion around how to become more productive or pick up something new during lockdown has become abundant. This promotes the message to overcome negativity and just get on with things when mental energy for many is at an all time low. Gaining new hobbies can help mental health and provide an outlet for difficult emotions but pressure to be productive all the time can have the opposite effect. Even worse, this can increase the sense of isolation in those that are feeling low, making it seem like negative experiences are a weakness or a burden.
It can be easy to feel powerless when help a friend struggling with their mental health. You want to say the right thing but you’re not sure what. This can be what drives many people to rely on positive statements, to feel like they are taking some action to help. There are, however, more useful ways to help that show you are there to listen.
Rethinking how to phrase statements can make a large step towards acknowledgement rather than dismissal. Instead of saying “ Things will improve” or “Just focus on the bright side” you could say, “That must be really tough” or “That does sound difficult, would you like to talk about it?”
Phrases like these are more open, allow for discussion if the other person is ready and if not, they can still indicate that you believe their feelings are real. So, if you have felt pressure to always be positive yourself, becoming more realistic about your own feelings can help. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions rather than pushing them away can result in self-awareness and growth.
As the saying goes, it is OK to not feel OK. Recognising toxic positivity does not make yourself or others a bad person — it often comes from a place of wanting to help. Identifying how it can be harmful and thinking more about how to alter your response to negativity can improve the wellbeing of yourself and others.
This will allow more discussion around mental health issues as well, which is more important than ever thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic. Optimism can definitely be useful but real positivity acknowledges that bad feelings can accompany the good.
Jonathan Turner is a Pharmacy student at QUB and part of the School’s Mental Health and Wellbeing team.