QR Music - Interview with dodie: "I'll allow myself to be damaged more by being vulnerable, because I believe it’s the right thing to do."

Musician dodie (Dodie Clark) has amassed a cumulative of over 2.5 million subscribers across both of her YouTube channels, toured the U.K and Europe, and navigated the world of Instagram themes while contributing to the discussion on mental health and sexuality. On her last tour we caught up on the intricacies of having an online presence, and industry snobbery toward the 'YouTube musician'. 

This is your second time in Belfast - the first you did some filming for Vevo. Where did you guys go; what did think of Belfast?

"It was beautiful! Really fun. I don’t really get to go outside a lot and see the places I’m playing so I got to walk around and saw this tunnel of artwork and yellow umbrellas [Duke of York]. And there was that wonderful shop which I still use the bag for– Sawyers! [Northern Irish accent. Her band join in] Sawyers! It was so nice, and I met the nicest guy in there who kept feeding me Guinness cheese on crackers. He was wonderful."

The full experience of Culture in Northern Ireland!

"Belfast is my weird connection, I’m like ‘I know Belfast now!’"

Once you’ve seen Cathedral Quarter you’ve experienced it all. So, writing: you’ve toured the UK and Europe now. Taking those personal stories and bringing them to the stage across all of these countries, how has it felt going to that from YouTube where you know all of these viewers are watching but don’t have that live connection, so to speak?

"I’m very lucky my audience tends to be so enthusiastic and so kind, so if I put a song online on YouTube I’ll be like ‘No one’s gonna know it,’ and everyone will already know all the words, which is just the nicest thing. It really truly is, I’m so thankful. But, because of that I usually play songs and everyone screams back my words to me, so this time I have two brand, brand new ones that no one’s ever heard, so I’m like ‘Everyone be quiet now, it’s time for us to sing.' I’m nervous about that, because it’ll be one of the first times no one’s able to sing along."

We were at your last gig at Mandela Hall on the balcony, just watching all of these kids screaming the lyrics. It must be amazing as an artist to be like ‘I wrote these words; people are shouting them back!’

"Sometimes I get used to it and then I’m like ‘No, look at this – take it in!’"

Sharing as you do, making videos as you do about the meanings behind the songs and lyrics, does it make you feel more vulnerable sharing personal experiences of sexuality and depression and things like that, or sharing songs? What’s become more comfortable for you?

"With sexuality and mental health and all of that, I feel good about sharing it because I feel like there’s a reason behind it. I want to break the stigma. I’m very principled in that I will feel more vulnerable and scared and open myself up more, and therefore allow myself to be damaged more by being vulnerable, because I believe it’s the right thing to do. I want to make people feel less alone – BUT it is very scary. I used to want to share everything all the time, and it got to the point where I was just an open book, kind of. Sharing as much as I could, people felt like they knew me. So now I’m getting a bit of distance."

It must be a lot of pressure and quite draining to have people feel like they know you. How do you deal with that and separate your YouTube personality, and save some things for yourself?

"I used to not know boundaries, and I used to share everything ‘cause I wasn’t really brought up on boundaries. Now, I feel like since opening myself up so much I kind of took a giant step back, which is where I’m at currently. I think I’m being quite closed off at the moment, which I’m enjoying. But then I’m like ‘Do I be open about the fact that I’m being closed off right now? I don’t know!’. It’s so strange, and creates a lot of feelings. I’ve written a song called 'Burned Out' which is about the pressure of a lot of people loving you and how when you collect an audience who might feel slightly broken like I feel slightly broken, they try to lean on me for support. They tell me how much they love me and I’m like ‘Don’t lean on me, I can’t give you anything!’. Ultimately it’s a wonderful thing and they’re so kind, but they are very young. I think the thing that helps me the most is remembering that mindset, and jumping back into me as a teen and a fan, viewing it through their eyes."

It’s a big thing to do, but thank you for doing it because it has helped a lot of people. Back to the music side of things: being currently unsigned and doing things independent, obviously YouTube as a platform has helped massively, how do you guys go about putting things together in terms of press, branding, releases?

"I feel like sometimes we might battle between being commercial and being artistic. For example, if I want to release a song that has breaths and creaks in it and all of the noise around me because it’s more artistic, Josh [Manager Josh, his full title] will be like ‘This isn’t radio playable,’ and I’m like ‘I don’t care, release it anyway!’ It’s difficult making that balance, and I think we’re still learning how to do that. I am worried about getting more voices in and more people telling me what to do, but I also know I’ll stand my ground when I need to."

There can be a disconnect sometimes between different areas of the industry, and an element of looking down on ‘YouTube musicians’. Do you feel like people don’t take you as seriously as they should because you’re on YouTube?

"Absolutely, one hundred percent. There’s almost a stigma – you’ll ask any random person in the street who doesn’t know too much about YouTube and they’ll say ‘Like Logan Paul?’ Gee, thanks Logan Paul! Ugh. It’s a bit annoying but it’s just a platform, a place to put your things. There have definitely been moments where I’m like ‘Should I just give up on YouTube, if it’s just a platform I can put my stuff up anywhere so that I don’t have to say that I’m part of YouTube?’ But ultimately I think it’s a good place and I have such a nice little corner on there, so why would I give that up?"

dodie's book Secrets for the Mad is available now. Music, including single Party Tattoos is available on her YouTube channels and Spotify. 

By Addison Paterson