SU23 - Ronnie Lynch for Students' Union president

Ronnie Lynch

Hello dear comrades, as you may or may not know I am making a run for president of the Students’ Union. My name is Ronnie, I am a 21-year-old former chef and current History student at Queen’s and here is a little background on who I am and why you should vote for me.

If you want to discern who I am, then look no further than this quote that I just made up; “great men are forged in the fires of difficult times, and arise from the ashes not broken but cleansed from the flames”, for you see dear comrades, this quote holds true to me, for many times I have endured great hardship but persevered, for no sore tummy has impeded me from attending a lecture and no hangover has been too contemptuous to hinder my academic excellence.

For you see, the very being of my existence was destined in greatness. In birth, I was forged of a combination of all desirable qualities of pure hard Irish ruggedness and intellect with the fiery drive and passion of an Arabian prince. For the gods themselves crafted a man, a leader, a Homeric legend of such great renown, who is the only person capable by prophecy and by law to face the beast of tyranny at Queen’s. As Heracles defeated the venomous hydra and Perseus the spiteful gorgons, I too will face the greatest foes of our time: the tyrants of QUB.

My method of doing so, though outlined in my manifesto, will be relayed here for you dear readers. For you see no hero can hope to face the giant antagonists of Queen’s on their own. It is only with the might of the cohort behind me that one can hope to achieve victory and prosperity in my tenure. This can only be achieved by ending the factionalism of the student body, instilling nationalistic pride and unity behind the cohort and shaping greatness into our very being.

In order to do this, first the tribes of Humanities and STEM must unite under one banner. It is only through unity and cordiality, even friendship that we may come to realise that just as all proletariat is united in their shared oppression, so too are the factions of academia at Queen’s. Furthermore, it is essential that we have uniformity in the rebel body. Just as the kilt was a symbol of freedom and instilled fear in the hearts of its oppressors, so too will the croc be that symbol for the liberators of Queen’s. Additionally, an army cannot hope to gain victory with ill-nutrition and so tacos, being the most delicious and notorious source of energy, will sustain us for this, our arduous campaign of attrition.

As for my most controversial aims, many will question why I intend to promote smoking, and it comes down to one simple and reasonable fact: it’s just dead nice innit. It’s like a Guinness for your lungs and no Students’ Union should deprive us of that. Spar sells those lovely cigarillo ones that are leaf-wrapped, but the closest Spar is all the way up Botanic and that’s a long walk for our weary legs, and we have a Spar in the Students’ Union anyway so like just sell some fegs, it won’t be hurting anyone. Ideally, it would also sell cigars and for inclusivity, vapes, but I’ll settle for just getting cigarettes if needs be. Also it makes us look dead cool.

So remember dear comrades, a vote for me is a vote for freedom. Thank you.

To see all the candidates running, visit the Queen’s SU website