The Scoop Does Sex Ed : Why I am abandoning New Year's resolutions in the pursuit of pleasure (and you should too!
Maria Hassan
In the month of January, pleasure feels like a dirty word. Traditionally, this is a time to atone for Christmas indulgence.
Glossy magazines, Instagram influencers, and personal trainers are peddling fad diets and twelve-week shreds. The pressure to get faster, fitter, and thinner is well and truly on. The prospect of ‘HIIT’ after weeks of watching box sets in pyjamas feels like a bit much.
What if this year’s ‘new start’ allowed you to stay under the covers and still get your pulse racing?
Holistic Sex Educator Jenny Keane says, “self-pleasure is a meditation on self-love”. So why not abandon abstinence and shift your focus to sexual self-care instead?
Traditionally, Christmas is a time for giving, but concentrating all of our energy on others can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves.
Now that all the excitement and exertion of the festive season is over, January offers us an opportunity to slow things down and reconnect with our bodies. Masturbation can help us to better understand our bodies and our desires.
All aspects of health and well-being are interconnected, and practicing self-pleasure regularly has a host of mental and physical health benefits.
Touching yourself can improve self-esteem, reduce stress, and aid restful sleep.
Masturbation also releases endorphins, and produces dopamine and oxytocin, also known as, ‘happy hormones.’ Physically, masturbation relieves sexual tension and boosts our awareness of what feels good.
A recent study has even suggested that ‘menstrubation’ may help to relieve period cramps.
Despite these advantages, we rarely adopt a health and benefits narrative when it comes to masturbation.
When it comes to sex education, masturbation is still a touchy subject.
Many of us have internalised the societal stigma that exists around this pleasurable act. Access to learning is restricted and self-pleasure is rarely discussed openly and honestly.
The tension between shame and pleasure can be confronting at first. Remember, everyone deserves to explore their body in a safe and healthy way irrespective of their sexuality, gender identity, or relationship status.
Get Comfortable:
Choose a private space where you feel at ease and bring the intention of relaxation to your masturbation practice. Dimming the lights and applying a lubricant (preferably water-based and non-scented) can help you prepare.
Slow Things Down:
It is not a race! Although orgasm can be a positive by-product of masturbation, it is not an end goal or something that has to be achieved. Take your time and consider exploring other erogenous zones, perhaps your nipples or inner thighs, before moving to your genitals.
Learn What Turns You On:
You may already be aroused before you begin to touch yourself. Alternatively, you can induce arousal through touch, fantasy, or external stimuli. Think sexy audio (e.g., Dipsea), ethical porn (e.g., Erika Lust), or a consensual exchange with a partner.
Try Something New:
Once you are comfortable and confident, experiment with alternative positions, try out new techniques, or pick a different time or location for a solo sex session. You may also want to introduce toys.
Ask Yourself... How Do I Like to be Touched?:
See how your body responds to different pressures, speeds, and rhythms. Masturbation can produce strong physical and emotional sensations, so it is important to check in with yourself regularly.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to masturbate, be present with your body and do what feels good. 2023 is the year for you to be a more romantic, attentive, and passionate partner … to yourself.
So, on the epic journey of self-pleasure… Where do you start?
Maria Hassan is a Sex Education Facilitator with Common Youth and a journalism master’s student at Ulster University.